Now for the second part of my understanding body language guide I'm going to go over some of the basic facial gestures we make and what they mean. I'm going to try to tie this into helping you communicate a bit better at work. You can say the same phrase and depending on your facial expression the meaning can be different for every different expression. I want to stress that body language itself is more of an art than a science still so take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm not teaching you mind controlling techniques or anything.
Going over my previous work, I covered the handshake which can be found here. For anyone meeting someone new or going into an interview for the first time It will give you a rough idea of the social dynamics you have entered into.
Before I jump into this section, I want to bring up one important point. It has been shown that many top managers in the corporate world use the least amount of non-verbal communication to convey their message. In other words, they are very articulate. They use the concept of less is more. Where very little body movement gives them a sense of control within the conversation. With that said, why bother learning body language? Lets just hit the thesaurus and continue to develop a strong vocabulary. Well many managers I have talked to understand the importance of body language. The general idea I get from them is that they are great at communicating because they can understand others by their body language. Most great leaders develop great empathetic skills because of their ability to read how people are feeling. Body language is in part to thank because of that.
For most of you, this will seem like common sense when I showcase some of the gestures. But putting it all together is what matters. The goal here is to be able to understand a group of gestures to form a general idea of what the other person is really trying to say. Once you go through this brief list I recommend you constantly practice by watching television and movies. Keep your eye out for some of better actors and actresses. They are able to convey how their character is really feeling, even though they are merely acting.
Besides eye contact, there are some common facial gestures to look for. Lets go over the eye brows first. The eye brows in conjunction with the eyes can let you know how a person feels. Raised or any tension in the eyebrows can show fear, tension or confusion. Now raised eye brows with darted eyes at you only amplify the feelings (See Picture 3 & 4). Relaxed eye brows generally indicate comfortableness. In conjunction with direct eye contact they are interested in you and what you have to say.
We can add on to these basics by noticing how the lips move. When the corners of the mouth are facing upwards slightly (Picture 5), we can take this as positive feelings. The opposite is true when the corners of the mouth are facing downwards slightly. I don't mean to say when one is smiling or frowning (Picture 6). These are micro gestures that the person shows off. I figure in a business context you don't see many people smiling with big grins anyways, they are toned down. Now lets pay closer attention to the lips themselves.
Are they relaxed or tightly closed? Relaxed lips convey a person that is calm, comfortable and content. The opposite is true about tightly closed lips (Picture 7). The person may also be holding himself back from saying something you may not want to hear. You will commonly see this displayed when you are debating or arguging with someone.
As an aside, it is good to know when someone is fake smiling. We all smile, sometimes even when we don't want to. It is nice to smile because we understand it helps us establish an easy going atmoshphere. But spotting a fake smile in the meeting room is important. Depending on the context of the discussion it lets you know if that person is being insincere. If you have ever seen the Joker from the Batman movies you will know what a fake smile looks like. The corners of the mouth are pointed. The smile looks like it has been stretched and spread across the face. Due to this, the lips themselves will be very tight. You will also notice no wrinkles around the eyes, just darting eyes. You will know when you fake a smile because it feels very uncomfortable.
Funny little trick. Try fake smiling and hold the pose for a minute. After a while, you will naturally start to relax and a real smile will emerge. You should even start to feel better after holding the pose for a minute or two. It is a great mind trick to instantly turn a sour mood into a good mood.
Now, the last and most important item on the list is eye contact. It is very important to get an idea of how well you maintain eye contact with someone. I feel that many people go through life not noticing if they maintain eye contact well or not when talking to someone. Their are two effective methods to eye contact. I don't want you to stare into their eyes (read below for a reason why). For a very important business meeting or any negotiation situation you want to cycle from left eye to right eye and up to the forehead (Picture 10). For a more casual meeting you want to cycle from left eye to right eye and down to the nose (Picture 11).
A short side story... when I was younger I was told by others I came off quite rude or aggressive when I maintained eye contact. So over time I got used to letting my eyes wander in conversations, keeping my head down when passing people on the streets and only maintaining short akward seconds of eye contact. I'm no pyschologist but this issue and many other small things in life, led me to being socially akward and very submissive. So in short working on my eye contact took me years and if you have problems it will take some time as well.
The benefits of maintaining eye contact when someone is speaking are very rewarding. The speaker will get a sense of confidence that you are truly listening. You will retain a higher percentage of what they talk about. And you will spot some of the common head and body movements most of which you would have missed if you were looking off somewhere else. In short, actively practice maintaing eye contact when someone is speaking.
After a conversation try to think to yourself how well you maintained eye contact.
Now when you are the speaker, it is just as important. With your eyes you can maintain command of the conversation. When you maintain eye contact the people listening will naturally hold eye contact with you. This will give them a higher chance of retaining some of the information you are presenting. When you notice their eyes wandering off, you know you have lost them. Think about those pesky high school teachers that would ask you a question, when you know you weren't paying attention. When someone loses interest or has shifty eyes, it gives a warning that you are losing their attention. It allows you to readjust quickly or wrap up the conversation. I can not stress the importance of eye contact enough.
Now I'm going off on a tangent but I want to briefly go over some off topic pointers. Whether you are speaking or listening, try to slow down every body movement. What do I mean? Try to keep yourself calm by breathing slowly, speaking slowly, moving your eyes slowly and blinking less frequently. Just keep a level of calm. The reason I mention this is it will instill the same calm attitude in your speaker/listeners. You will create an atmosphere that allows you to convey or digest the message. We all freeze up and either go into "hyper drive" speaking at the speed of light. Or worse we seize up and screach to a crawl and have no idea what to say next. But never speed through what you have to say, you are just as important as the next person. And don't worry if you forget the words, maintain eye contact, take a deep breath and keep going. People around you do and will want to hear what you have to say.
All my references will be added, I just pieced this together quite quickly for a presentation I'm doing.
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