November 19, 2009

Body Language: The Handshake

Oh the dreaded handshake. If you were lucky enough you got some formal training from your mother or father when you were younger. Usually goes as follows: Make sure you have a firm handshake, not too firm and not too light. That is great advice and by the end of this post I will come full circle and advise the same. But obviously there is more to a handshake than meets the hand? Knowing a bit more about them will go a long way to understanding non-verbal communication.

The handshake in the business world is very important. It is the quickest way one can gauge where you are coming from and what kind of person you are. It is not fair to the people out there that have so much more to offer, but judgments about you are made instantly. It is seldom that the person who made the initial judgment about you will re-review their opinion about you. So with that said, I stress you understand the basics to the handshake.

When greeting someone it is very important to understand the context or work relationship. If you are meeting someone for the first time, extend your arm out and make sure you shake their hand. If you are a sales agent its more complex. If you are going into a sales meeting cold (first time, unannounced), make sure they extend their arm out first. If they don't things just got a lot harder. Don't shake their hands if they don't show signs of extending their arm. It makes you look phony.

Now try to extend your arm equally as far out as they do. You will know someone by the amount they extend their hand out. A full extension of the arm is usually done by individuals who are used to their space such as Individuals from the countryside. It can also be culturally accepted to maintain larger distances, this is common in British and American culture who maintain much larger distance from one another than say an Italian or Spanish individual. Obviously the exact opposite is true for someone who keeps his hand close to himself when they go in for a handshake. They are used to being closer or they only seem confident in keeping their hands close to themselves. So of course, when in Rome do as the Romans. If you don't pay attention and just extend your arm out normally, the other personal will impose their will. You may notice the people who like to give you the stiff arm or extend so quickly they get your fingers as opposed to your hand. (Think individuals who are from the country or who like their space). Or the people who pull you in with their handshake, such as individuals who are used to communicating within their intimate space.

The spacing between the two of you should instantly give you an idea of what their comfort zone is and how far you should be to keep them at ease.

Now the actual handshake itself is quite easy. Just shake the persons hand with equal firmness. The amount of firmness goes up or down depending on what you want to talk about and in what relationship hierarchical you have with this person. If it is a subordinate you are about to question on some work, you may want to be a bit more firm and ensure you initiate the downward motion in the handshake.  If this is your boss that has called you in for a surprise private meeting, you may want to be less firm than he is and let him initiate the downward motion in the handshake. It's a gauge really. Dependent on our work relationship we need to show we are in control or are allowing the other to be in control and these two things allow us to establish that quickly without any words. 

Now some finer points. Always go in with your hand at 90 degrees when meeting someone new. If they come in with their palm facing the ground they are someone who usually wants control or can be aggressive. If they come in with their palm facing up they are giving up control or are usually submissive. It is uncommon to have your boss come in to a handshake with an upward facing hand. Watch out, he may want something! So to maintain an equal level of respect and control we want to maintain our hands as figure 20 below. 



What do we do if we meet someone for the first time and they come in as follows? Well if you don't want to give up control, or are not used to being in the submissive role, (which is a role everyone here should understand how to play) you will want to overturn their hand so the handshake is at 90 degrees. How do we do that without arm wrestling them and making it an awkward situation for everyone? Using your feet.
If we take our first step with the left foot and extend our arm and then at the same time take a large right step into them and overturn our body and subsequently our hand to our left (giving us a 90 degree handshake) at the same time, it comes off as being quite effortless and lets that person know we are not one to be submissive. See the images below for a brief walk through.



Finally, after the handshake has started some of us have a tendancy to use our other hand to close to handshake, making a glove (See first image). Avoid this, it is coined the political handshake. It is used to be more sincere, but used on individuals you are not close with can have negative effects. It should only be used with individuals you are close with. As well the two following placements of our other hand can have even more severe effects if used on individuals we are not close with. Use these handshakes with very close friends and family only.


So in the end, keep your handshake very simple. Straight forward and mirror the other individual. Keep your firmness and spacing equal to them. Keep your hands dry and clean as well. And finally, watch for some of the cues mentioned above to be able to understand an individual a bit better.
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